In the early days of my trauma recovery, after experiencing major heartbreak, betrayal and many moments of feeling like the world was against me, I was stuck in a perpetual state of victimhood.

For a long time, I stayed in this place of pain and resentment. I couldn’t help but see myself as a victim of circumstances I couldn’t control. And in a way, staying in that victim mindset felt safe. It was familiar, and it allowed me to place blame on others or on fate itself. Whenever I felt lonely or overwhelmed, I would pull out pieces of my story, recounting the unfairness and injustice I’d endured.

Honestly, I couldn’t see a way out; in many ways, my story had become a cage.

Ultimately, I reached a point where I was fed up with myself and the way in which my life was unfolding.

I realised that although what happened to me wasn’t my fault, healing was my responsibility. I decided that my past would not dictate my future. And I realised that even if my journey began in pain, I have the power to decide who I want to be.

Through this, I learned that taking responsibility wasn’t about ignoring my pain; it was about learning to own my life again. By letting go of the identity I had built around being hurt, I discovered a deeper strength. I was no longer the victim in my story; I had become the author, choosing the words, the tone, and the next chapter…

Over time, my world changed in ways I never thought possible. My relationships improved, my confidence grew, and I found a sense of freedom in showing up in the world as my authentic self.

I finally unlocked the door to a life that was mine to shape; no longer held back by the weight of the past.

I know that in the journey of trauma recovery, the idea of taking responsibility for yourself and your behaviour can feel like a steep and daunting mountain. When you’re carrying the weight of past pain, it might seem unfair—even impossible—to shoulder more. But what if, instead of seeing responsibility as another heavy burden, you embraced it as a pathway to reclaiming your power and peace?

Taking radical responsibility isn’t about blaming yourself or ignoring the ways you were hurt, either. It’s about recognising your power in the present and making conscious choices that serve your growth.

Here’s how embracing responsibility can change the trajectory of your recovery.

1. Acknowledge Your Story without Living Inside It

In trauma recovery, one of the biggest challenges is finding a balance between acknowledging your story and allowing it to define you. The pain you experienced is valid, but when you continually tell yourself that your present is dictated by your past, you can feel stuck. Radical responsibility means recognising that, while your story is part of you, it doesn’t have to rule your life. You are more than what happened to you.

Ask yourself: Am I choosing to revisit my story in a way that heals me, or am I allowing it to pull me back into a place of powerlessness?

2. Understand Your Emotional Triggers

Triggers are often misunderstood as things outside your control. While you may not have control over a triggering situation, radical responsibility encourages you to explore how you respond to it. Emotions are valid, and yet they don’t have to dictate your reactions. Acknowledging the trigger is the first step; choosing how you respond is the next.

To get started, practice identifying moments when you feel emotionally activated. Notice how your body responds—tense shoulders, clenched fists, a rapid heart rate. These physical cues help you to stay present with your body and recognise that, while your response might feel urgent, you still have a choice in how to act.

3. Build Self-Compassion as a Foundation

Taking responsibility is not about judging yourself or expecting perfection. It’s about showing up for yourself with kindness, even when you don’t get things "right." Trauma often warps your self-image, making you believe you’re unworthy or incapable. By nurturing self-compassion, you create a foundation of gentleness that allows you to take responsibility without shame or guilt.

Self-compassion exercises—like acknowledging your own efforts in recovery and forgiving yourself for missteps—can make all the difference. This approach gives you permission to stumble without giving up, knowing that every step counts.

4. Challenge Reactive Patterns

When you’ve been through trauma, it’s natural to develop survival patterns. Some of these may include withdrawing, people-pleasing, lashing out, or shutting down emotionally. Radical responsibility means gently examining these patterns, understanding where they come from, and taking steps to shift them.

Instead of judging yourself for these patterns, view them as old tools that may have once kept you safe. Ask yourself: Is this response serving me today? Taking responsibility allows you to develop new responses aligned with who you are now, not the person you needed to be to survive past experiences.

5. Set Boundaries That Honour Your Healing

Part of taking responsibility involves setting boundaries that support your healing process. Boundaries aren’t about pushing people away; they’re about creating a safe space for your growth. They might look like saying “no” to situations that feel overwhelming, limiting contact with people who drain you, or creating time to nurture yourself.

Remember, boundaries are acts of self-respect. They help you stay accountable to yourself and reinforce the notion that you are worthy of care and protection.

6. Practice Accountability and Forgiveness with Yourself

Taking responsibility is a daily practice of holding yourself accountable—not to someone else’s standards, but to your own truth. If you overreact or fall into an old habit, own it. Apologise to yourself, reflect on what happened, and consider how you might handle it differently next time.

This process isn’t about beating yourself up. It’s about treating yourself as a compassionate observer, witnessing your growth and learning through the experience. Practicing forgiveness, especially with yourself, is essential. You’re allowed to mess up. You’re allowed to learn. That’s how healing works.

7. Take Charge of Your Own Healing Path

Finally, radical responsibility involves actively engaging in your healing. Recovery doesn’t just “happen”—it’s a journey that requires your participation. Identify the practices, people, and resources that support you, and commit to them. Whether it’s therapy, coaching, meditation, journaling, or spending time in nature, take ownership of the tools that empower you.

This doesn’t mean you have to do it alone. But remember, while others can guide and support you, no one can do the work for you. Radical responsibility means showing up for yourself in whatever ways you can.

Conclusion

Taking radical responsibility in trauma recovery can feel overwhelming, but it’s ultimately empowering. This practice allows you to reclaim control over your life and transforms your relationship with yourself. You’re not defined by what happened to you, and while you can’t change the past, you have the power to shape your future.

By embracing responsibility with self-compassion and accountability, you create a foundation for authentic, lasting healing. Remember, you’re not alone, and every step you take matters. Radical responsibility is about building a life that honours both where you’ve been and where you’re going, letting you move forward with resilience, strength, and self-love.

P.S. Feeling Stuck?

Reflect on These Questions to See If Trauma-Informed Coaching Could Help You Break Free:

Do you find yourself repeating patterns—such as people-pleasing or self-doubt—despite your best efforts to move forward?
Have you noticed that even small triggers can cause intense emotional reactions, making it hard to feel grounded or in control?
Are you struggling to make decisions or set boundaries in relationships?

You can book one-on-one coaching with Meg from wherever you are in the world. Want to learn more? Schedule a complimentary 30-min Connection Call to share your story and see how we can work together.

It’s Not Your Fault, But It Is Your Responsibility: How to Take Radical Responsibility for Your Healing