The Circles of Control in Trauma Recovery
When we experience trauma, our world can feel chaotic and unpredictable. We may struggle with feelings of helplessness, victimhood, anxiety, or an overwhelming sense of being out of control. One powerful framework for regaining a sense of stability and empowerment is the concept of the Circles of Control.
Understanding the Circles of Control
The Circles of Control model, often attributed to Stephen Covey, is a simple but effective way to categorise our concerns and determine where to focus our energy. The model consists of three layers:
The Circle of Control – Things we have direct control over, such as our actions, thoughts, choices, and responses.
The Circle of Influence – Things we can influence but do not have direct control over, such as relationships, workplace dynamics, or how others perceive us.
The Circle of Concern – Things we care about but cannot control, such as global events, the past, or other people's decisions.
How the Circles of Control Help in Trauma Recovery
Trauma often leaves us feeling powerless. By using the Circles of Control, we can shift our focus from what we cannot change to what we can influence, fostering a greater sense of agency and emotional regulation.
1. Reclaiming Personal Power
After trauma, it's easy to feel consumed by the Circle of Concern — worrying about the past, others’ opinions, or what might happen in the future. By identifying what is within our Circle of Control, we can take small, meaningful actions that rebuild our confidence. This might include:
Setting boundaries
Practicing self-care
Choosing how we respond to triggers
Seeking support through coaching, therapy or community
2. Reducing Anxiety and Overwhelm
Anxiety thrives on uncertainty. When we focus on what we can control — such as our breathing, daily routines, and self-soothing techniques — we create a sense of predictability in our lives. This helps calm our nervous system, reducing the grip of hypervigilance or emotional dysregulation.
3. Shifting from Victimhood to Empowerment
Many trauma survivors experience a loss of agency. The Circles of Control encourage a shift from feeling like life is happening to us to recognizing where we can take intentional action. This doesn’t mean ignoring the impact of trauma but rather acknowledging our capacity to make empowered choices moving forward.
4. Navigating Relationships More Effectively
Trauma can make us hyper-aware of how others treat us, sometimes leading to people-pleasing or avoidance. Understanding the Circle of Influence helps us focus on how we communicate, set boundaries, and nurture connections rather than trying to control how others react to us.
Final Thoughts
Healing from trauma takes time, but shifting our focus to what we can control creates a foundation for resilience. The Circles of Control remind us that, while we cannot change the past or control everything around us, we do have power over our choices, perspectives, and healing journey.
By embracing this framework, we can slowly reclaim our sense of self, build emotional stability, and move toward a future shaped by intention rather than fear.
P.S. Feeling Stuck?
Reflect on These Questions to See If Trauma-Informed Coaching Could Help You Break Free:
Do you find yourself repeating patterns—such as people-pleasing or self-doubt—despite your best efforts to move forward?
Have you noticed that even small triggers can cause intense emotional reactions, making it hard to feel grounded or in control?
Are you struggling to make decisions or set boundaries in relationships?
You can book one-on-one coaching with Meg from wherever you are in the world. Want to learn more? Schedule a complimentary 30-min Complimentary Call to share your story and see how we can work together.
